I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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