i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
