You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
