i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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