"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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