Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
