I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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