This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
