Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
