my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
