I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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