I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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