If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
