well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
