Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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