Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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