D3 body, D1 cock
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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