U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
