Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
