he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
