I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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