Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
