Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize