i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
