only if we run a train.
done.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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