The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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