im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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