Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
