I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
