I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize