My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
