When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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