Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
