I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
