Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
