Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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