get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
