Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
