And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
