after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
