so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
