i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
