I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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