I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
