sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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