You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
