I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
