I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
