the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
