White coat. Heels.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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