Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
