i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
