I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize