it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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