The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
