we have officially lost it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize