Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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