So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
