And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
