Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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