So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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