Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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