if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
