I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
