and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
