She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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