please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
