I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
