ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
