____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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