Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
