Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
