She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize