my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
