and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize