I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
