That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
