Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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